It is all about the cake....

Sometimes a cake is so special, it is simply worthy of it's own post. My dear friend and champion baker and Mum to be (aka Mrs Fat Lady) made this gorgeous cake for me last night. A truly lush velvety loaf soaked with a sticky pomegranate syrup...all topped with a Persian mood board of pistachios, glistening  pomegranate seeds and silky icing. I have grovelled asked her very nicely for the recipe and promise to share this gift to the cake world as soon as....

It's my party and I won't be crying...but will mostly be eating cake

 My little babysitting monkey was so excited about seeing me all week, she kept asking her mummy "is it today that she's coming?" so by the time I got there on Saturday night she was beside herself with toddler excitement.  At the grand old age of 3 she had already planned we were going to watch the Lion King together, as her mom said she she could stay up until 8.30pm. We snuggled on the sofa together, sang Hakuna Matata in chorus and shared lots of giggles. After a couple of Maisy the Mouse bedtime stories, while I stroked her hair as she drifted off into slumber, it really hit home how much I want this. She slept soundly all night while I tucked into the light fruit cake her mom had left for me (she always makes sure there is cake for me on babysitting nights and she pays me....am feeling very grateful.

Sunday was filled with more kiddy winks time, as we went to a first birthday party. My friend had triumphed and successfully made her daughters first birthday cake. It was a beautiful light vanilla fluffy sponge and delicious.  (I cannot begin to describe how many friends/mothers call me in a complete panic while putting themselves through the guilt defying challenge of making their own first birthday cakes. The usual... "I've added the eggs to the butter instead of the sugar, does that matter. Should I start again....or..Help, why is my icing so runny....or my all time favourite...it's not bloody rising, I really should have got you to make it!!!!!"
The party was from was from 2-4pm but to be honest, I could have stayed there all day. Watching all these kids interact was the most fun I had had in ages. There were no tears, just tons of cute little faces all thoroughly enjoying themselves. Wild horses couldn't drag me away....

Triumphant achievement!

Daffodils and Glastonbury.....

It really feels like the time is dragging. Probably because our next home study session is over 2 weeks away and Miss Delia hasn't left much homework for us to do to help pass the time. I'm feeling a bit fed-up with winter now but know deep down this is a crazy thought as spring is a loooong way away but saying that, I have seen the odd glimpse of a daffodil bulb peeking it's shiny leaf through the soggy ground. On the dog walk this morning (through muddy fields that can only be compared to Glastonbury!) LRUN and I talk about what sort of child we would be willing to adopt as I know this is going to be the subject of our next home study sessions. He reminds me that he is not the Angelina Jolie/Madonna type and that he is looking at this from a purely selfish perspective...going through this process solely for us to be able to be family.  And that he wants to be sure the little one(s) they offer us is right for us too and not just for them. It sounds harsh but I know he is right and am really grateful for his level headed and always sensible approach. If it was up to me, I would probably have them all! We talk about mixed race children and whether having two blonde blue-eyed parents would be the best thing for them? Would this life of 'obviously adopted' be better than a childhood spent in care? I am not sure. We talk about what disabilities we would consider (he randomly announces he would be ok if they only had one foot!) and we end the walk feeling alot more clearer about our child. LRUN goes off to his 4x4 club for a charity event and I spend the afternoon on my own feeling a bit nostalgic. I make a traditional South African tart called a 'Milk Tart.' Smooth, creamy lushness infused with vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. I am babysitting a friend's 3 year old little girl tonight and am super excited to see her again.

Melk tert

Bon voyage....
It's our first couple session of 2013 with Miss Delia and today we focus on LRUN and I as a couple. We are asked alot of on the spot questions about our relationship, how we met (Eek, I choke on my chocolate chip cookie as it was all a bit wild and a lot of alcohol involved but we manage to somehow dignify and tone it down slightly) We focus on how we handle problems, our sex life and more. It's awkward but we try not to giggle too much and somehow get through it with minimal blushing. We go to book the next few sessions and Miss Delia drops the bomb that she will be away on holiday for the next 3 weeks. I don't even flinch and she seems surprised by this...she says most people always look so horribly disappointed when she announces holiday but to be honest, I am pleased she is taking it now, rather than at a crucial time in the near future. We have two more sessions left with her and she announces that she is still hoping to book us in for an April panel. This is the first time we have heard a possible date and we both try and act cool and nonchalant but in essence just want to jump up and down with excitement.  April...! Now that's not far away at all :-) I launch myself back into baking mode on the weekend and try out a new Chocolate Cake with Hazelnut Mousse. I really wish I hadn't.....too divine!

chocolate cake with hazelnut mousse....

New Year...new hope
With the New Year brings fresh new hope. We hear some wonderful news that Little Miss Rainbow has been approved at panel today. Seems they were fast tracked through as they are considering a disabled child. The Fraig's have finished their homestudy and are hoping to go to panel soon. I am totally comfortable with the pace at which things are progressing for us. This is either because I have just had the most mind blowingly amazing holiday with my family in Sunny SA or due to the fact that I have started to believe in divine timing. What will be will be and if things are delayed it is simply because our little one(s) are not ready for us yet.
LRUN has a single session with Miss Delia today and it goes well, although he forgets to offer her the oatmeal cookies. duh!

Tis the season to be jolly.....
I'm in mince pie mode..every year I end up making zillions of the little buggers and I am up to eyeballs in sweet, buttery pastry. So as a change, I make some mini chocolate brownies. I have a single session alone with Miss Delia today. We talk about and draw up my family tree which in itself is a mammoth task.  To my horror, in the midst of it all,  Miss Delia casually leans over and helps herself to a brownie. I stare in shock... The overwhelming sense of achievement I feel is a little worrying. All in all it's a very good session and I feel as though things are moving again but she does warn me that they are still considering putting our application on hold at some stage while LRUN gets used to the commuting thing. He is only due to start commuting at the end of February so who knows what will happen before then. I'm off to South Africa for Christmas to see my family and can't help thinking this could be the last time they see me without little ones...

tra-la-la-la-laaa

Yes!

A new friend.....
A friend introduces me to a new friend today. She lives just down the road, has previously adopted 3 boys from Suffolk Adoption Services and is well known to the Adoption team. I instantly warm to her over a bottle of Chenin Blanc in the local pub and we talk for hours about the reality of adoption. She is honest and funny and full of incredibly useful experience and information. We talk openly about parenting adoptive children and how different methods have helped her and her 3 boys. We cover backward facing prams, skin on skin contact, attachment, bonding and challenging behaviour.  We make plans to meet up again soon and I am ever grateful for my friend for thinking of me. When I mention her to Miss Delia in our next session, her eyes light up. She knows exactly who I am talking about and is delighted to hear we have been in contact. Massive brownie points to my friend for introducing her to me!

Confessing all to Miss Delia....
It doesn't go well. The disappointment in her face is overwhelmingly obvious. Even I can see she was thinking..oh this was going so well.  Our only saving grace is that we try and sell our best option of LRUN's commuting north on a daily basis as best we can and she desperately tries to accept it. She says she will have to discuss it with her line manager but the session is a gloomy one and we end on a sombre note. I am so stressed, I barely sleep. There is no option of him finding another job locally, we have to go with what we have. Our boss is overwhelmingly supportive and assures me they want to do whatever they can to help us.

Delia returns the following week to say that the authorities are wanting to put our application on hold until things settle down. I feel like screaming and crying but I somehow manage to hold it together. But she then explains that she has fought our corner as best she can and has got them to agree to continue with the assessment for now until further decisions have been made. She says we have huge potential and they would be shooting themselves in the foot by letting us go. She has a plan and she is clearly on our side. She says we need to focus on showing how I would cope if LRUN was away for an extra 4 hours a day commuting. Easy as far as I am concerned...that's just one less child to worry about. We all laugh but the seriousness of her comment sets in. Yes, it's going to be hard, very hard but we both want this so badly, we just have to make it work.