About Me

This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..

Friday, 16 May 2014

The importance of play.....

It's the morning of the dreaded Developmental Test and so far the biggest test is getting up and out the house in time to beat the traffic and make it there on time. That in itself is a mammoth achievement. LBM is not in the best of moods due to this mild cold that seems to be lingering.

Luckily they don't keep us waiting too long. The doctor is lovely and her room is filled with toys. Sadly, LBM is in his own little world and he insists on playing with his buggy. Pushing it round and round in circles is his mission of the moment. He refuses to partake in any of the tasks she asks him to. I sense her frustration as she asks me to keep him on my lap and she tries once again to engage him in stacking some blocks. He is just not interested. We eventually get him to do a few things and she frantically starts making notes while he toddles back to his buggy pushing. She then digs out a picture book and asks him to identify objects. He gets 90% of them wrong. This is frustrating as I know he knows what a dog is but alas he pointed to the cat. I am hoping it has something to do with her particularly foreign accent rather than his deliberate intention. She tries to engage him in pretend play and asks him to pour her a cup of tea. He tries to eat the tea-pot. I feel her disgruntlement. But he's still relatively happy and I guess tolerating her until she asks if we can undress him and weigh and measure him. This, my friends is where it all goes a little bit Pete Tong. Although I can honestly say he is the most gorgeous little boy ever, he is I'm afraid, a very 'ugly crier.' She begins to worry and I tell her not to, while I sing a zillion verses to some random song and he eventually calms down. That is, until she re-appears and makes him lie down on that measuring mat. And so it all kicks off again. We are 1 hour in and she decides to call it a wrap. I think she's had enough of him already. She begins to chart his progress in his red book and I sense her uneasiness as she keeps double checking. Once again he has dropped a centile on the height front. They are worried about this and it needs monitoring. This together with his lack of ability to pretend play and the constant need for something in his mouth concerns her and she wants to re-test in four months. Sigh...more tests.

And as if we don't have enough to worry about, the distinct lack of cake in our house is becoming serious. It's just not possible to bake with him about. And I just can't seem to muster up the energy while he naps. This time is spent cooking our suppers and baking is the last thing I feel like. Worrying? Tell me about it! There is of course one positive spin on this. I've lost all my IVF weight. Result.

Friday, 9 May 2014

Hindsight with a capital......H

Although LRUN is in the dog box for forgetting to buy me an Easter egg (I mean seriously...who does that?) he wins me over by taking a big chunk of time off work for us to have true quality time as a family. It does LBM the world of good and reminds him just how much fun daddy can be. Grandad comes over for a few days too and although LBM is shy at first, he soon cautiously warms to him and we have a very positive few days. But holidays must come to an end and I am dreading that first morning being back alone again. On our way downstairs LBM stops dead in his toddle and peeks into our bedroom. He makes a questioning gurgle. He is looking for LRUN. He keeps peering further and further into the room while I try and explain that daddy has gone back to work and that he'll see him tonight. I will admit, I'm fighting the tears. Just look how far we've come.

I think it has a lot to do with his new found independence. His walking is coming on leaps and bounds. In fact, he is actually choosing to walk now rather than the obligatory speed crawl. And his arms are slowly dropping. Kinda more Tai Chi class than Zumba now. There is a lot of pre-verbal babble going on but the health visitors are still concerned about his development and we have a big test scheduled for next week. How do I feel about this? Give the little guy a chance please. Sure, ok he is developmentally delayed. But he has spent the last few months channelling all his precious energy into grieving for the loss of his foster carer, the loss of his tummy mummy, attaching to me and learning to trust LRUN all over again. The last thing on his mind was meeting his developmental milestones. He was just focusing on dealing with the turmoil of his emotions. I always remember people saying that on placing a child, you should go back a few steps. Really treat them like a baby. Start the last chapter over again. I didn't see the significance of this until now. And now it's obvious. LBM regressed massively when he joined us and if we had treated him more like a baby at the time, perhaps he would have settled better. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.