About Me

This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..

Friday, 28 March 2014

One step forward.....

I gather the health visitor must have put the fear of the Gruffalo into him as the day after she compiled his developmental report, LBM took his first steps. And not just one or two....he walked all the way from his room to our room. However, don't underestimate his boyish laziness. His current preferred method of travel is still the speed crawl. But ooh, my heart just oozes custard when he toddles towards me, speeding up and losing all sense of direction.  They say to watch the arms. When the arms drop, they've got it. Well, we've got a way to go. At present, he still looks like he's taking a Zumba class. On the food front, we've reached new milestones. No more snacks, just three wholesome meals a day.  Someone please high five me. We even had a marginally more successful trip to the zoo this week. This time he found the real geese just as fascinating as the bronze lion.

He is spending more and more time with LRUN on the weekends and it seems to be slowly getting better. It's still pretty hairy macleary at times but I am so grateful to have the most patient and intuitive husband in the world. He always ensures they go somewhere where they can bond. No buggy, no dogs. Just him and the LBM. Face to face. Soul to soul. Even if it is just the supermarket shop.

Miss Delia is due this week for a meeting, which I think LBM handles pretty well considering she stays 90 min. She looks tired. Real 'bags under the eyes' tired. We go through the formal adoption forms for us to submit to the courts. Question 9 is one about any known siblings and she says, just tick 'no.' My jaw drops wide enough to engulf an entire Victoria Sponge. 'Errr...what about Jelly-tot' I say. She gasps. The severity of her boo boo is overwhelming. She is drowning in embarrassment. Told you she was tired. We laugh and I quickly change the subject and express my concerns about meeting tummy mummy next week. I am very conscious she will now recognise me in town. She's not a threat but it's got to be pretty awkward. You wanna know her suggestion? Wear a hat. Honestly.

Friday, 14 March 2014


I have a week free of appointments or reviews, so apart from baking a batch of Blueberry Streusel Muffins, I decide to take LBM to the zoo. Now, I have never been fond of zoos. I know most of the animals have been raised in captivity and don't know any different but there is something about animals in cages I just can't get my head around. But it's a fantastic learning opportunity for little ones and this topped with no scheduled 'snack time' makes me think we really should go. Let's just say it wasn't a hit. Perhaps he picked up on my apprehension but he hated every minute of it. In fact, the only animal he showed any interest in, was the life size bronze casting of the lion. Which incidentally was right in front of the real lion strutting her stuff in true Lion King style. Still, as with all things kiddie-related, I will persevere and perhaps try again next week. And the week after. And...

But alas, just as I think the week is free of appointments, the Health Visitor calls and asks if she can drop in. She wants to weigh and measure him again and finish off some more (yes folks, more!) paperwork. As we undress for the scales, she gasps as she sees his thighs again. This does not comfort me. He weight is stabilising but she is concerned he is not getting any taller. In fact, I really hope her last reading was inaccurate as according to today's reading, he appears to have shrunk. Perhaps Tummy Mummy did smoke more than she let on. Stunted growth and all that. I tell myself whatever you do, do not google it. I google it.

Co-incidentally, Tummy Mummy has expressed an interest to meet us before we legally adopt him. I happen to ask Miss Scarlett if TM is still living in the nearby seaside town we have been sadly having to avoid for the last three months. And then she drops the bombshell that, no, actually she has moved. Hurrah! But...moved to our town. Feck. She tells me the name of the road and I wonder why it sounds so familiar and then it hits me. That's exactly where our favourite pub is that does the best Sunday breakfast ever. Oh and right opposite the park where we go..hmmm...at least once a week. "Oh don't worry," says Miss Scarlett....."just go early. She's never up before noon." So here we are with a meeting scheduled for next month. How do I feel about it? Ok actually. It would mean so much to LBM for us to say, we have met her. But my biggest worry is that she will then know what we both look like. Are we going to have to continuously be looking over our shoulder every time we go into town. I hope not. On the plus side, at least we can go to the seaside again. Will make a change from the zoo. Snigger.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Allow me to review myself.....

The day before Miss Delia is due for her visit, we receive an email from her boss... aka Janet Street Porter. It's long, intense and serious. She highlights all of LBM's ongoing issues and explains why they came to their decision not to place Jelly-tot with us. It's clear from this, the outcome is pretty much final. This disappoints me that they can base a choice like this on seeing LBM a handful of times. If they had spent any time with him over the last week, they would have seen how increasingly happy and settled he is becoming. How he loves having friends over to play. How awesome he is at sharing toys. Just how amazing a little soul he is. But I realise I have no argument here and just have to accept the situation.

Miss Delia arrives late as usual and we spend the session concentrating on LBM. We don't even talk about Jelly-tot until towards the end when the issue of siblings comes up. She explains that they have taken our points on-board as to how it was dealt with and that perhaps they should have approached it in a different manner. She looks guilty. Remorseful. I am always honest with her...sometimes regrettably so... and before I know it, I find myself telling her that I was just simply 'pissed off with the lot of them.' Feck. But it's too late...the words are out. She smiles and says she understands. She explains that her heart just sank when she realised she was going to have to give us the bad news. Respect.

But in case you feel we haven't had enough social worker visits, the very next day we have another one. This is his second LAC review. The big one before we can officially put in our request to legally adopt LBM. The vultures are due at 11am. I am amazed at how far I have come on this journey. How much I have relaxed. Before I would have been pacing up and down making sure the house was spic and span, ensuring everything was 'just so' and that there was something scrummy on the cake front. Now, here we are.. out on a dog walk until the very last minute.  We arrive back home at 10.55am to find them on my doorstep with several missed calls on my mobile. Cake is the last thing on offer. In fact they are lucky I even remembered to buy semi skimmed milk for their tea. LBM is a legend throughout the review and charms the panties off all of them. He manages to steal all of their car keys to play with and indulges in some kind of key orgy on his own. Those of you who know him well will know about his love of keys. They are his little comfort. His little fix in helping with his anxiety. Could be worse I guess. Could be a love of gin like his mummy.

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Still here...still angry

We take the weekend to cool off. Process some thoughts. Work through the emotions. It's LRUN who suggests it first. He says if I want to send an email to Miss Delia re-iterating our opinion and expressing our concerns on how the situation was handled, he would back me up. I sit down to draft an email on Monday morning while LBM is chilling out with his blankie. I find the words flow effortlessly and within minutes, I have finished and clicked send. I feel a huge amount better for it. I know it won't change their mind but at least we can show it to LBM one day to say, we really did try. Before the end of the day, we receive a reply. Sadly, it feels like one of those standard, 'reply to a complaints' email. She is here next week for a review meeting for LBM and says we can talk a bit more about it then. But I sense the case is already closed. LRUN drafts his own email and I tell you,  it's drop dead dynamite stuff. Powerful yet professional. He receives an instant reply. Sadly, it's an out of office reply. So here we sit. A little numb, a little lost.

LBM has a scheduled developmental test this week and the health visitor finally arrives an hour late (!)  I fear things are about to go 'Pete Tong' as  we are almost at supper time but LBM impresses us all and is a delight. As expected, his results come out as below average on the walking, talking and gross motor skill range and he is being referred. I know a lot of this delay has to do with his anxiety. I've done some research into a link between anxiety in toddlers and a lack of omega 3. You see, LBM loves a bit of salmon but his twice weekly hit of the royal fish is nowhere near the level of omega 3 he was getting in the formula fix at the foster carers. So I have started adding fish oils to his milk. Now, it claims to be tasteless but I can honestly say there is a hint of anchovy in the air. So as plan B, I have started adding it to his yoghurt. With the exception of today, where it honestly felt like he was the devils child, I can fairly say, he seems a teeny bit less anxious. And it might just be a leap in his development but he seems to be mastering an awful lot more.