About Me

This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..

Thursday, 1 June 2017

We are family......

I have been thinking a lot about Jellytot recently. I guess it is because I watch all the other mums struggle with their siblings. While they do tend to entertain each other, from a parent's perspective, it can't be easy. Juggling time. Juggling energy. Juggling focus between more than one child. But more importantly, it is because LBM has been talking quite a bit about her recently. They have a sort of Postman Pat like relationship. Exchanging birthday and Christmas gifts and letters. More like pen-pals than siblings and this makes me sad. His little voice sings when he says her name and he proudly tells his friends that he has a sister but that she doesn't live with us. Thankfully, they are too young to question why. Sometimes he tells them she stays at home to look after the dogs. This freaked me out a bit until I realised there is a photo of her on the sideboard, stealthily watching what the furry mutts are up to all day. Occasionally when he's helping me lay the table, he sets a place for her. This makes me cry but I bite my lip and stand tall.  I don't want him to see this. See our sadness. Or feel our sadness.

It took time but we eventually accepted their decision and I thought we were ok with it. I know she is happy and settled with her new family but the emotions are still raw. No matter how you look at it, it still feels like yet another loss of a child. So, I bite the bullet and send Mr and Mrs Jellytot another message asking if we could please meet up. I have tried before to arrange a meeting but they have always felt it wasn't the right time. They have an older birth son who already has the role of the 'big brother' in the family and they are cautious of introducing LBM to the picture. They have actually met once before when they were both in foster care and he proudly has a photo in this life story book. Sadly he has her in more of a headlock than a hug but still, it remains a treasured photo. But I feel it is time. It's LBM's time. This is for him. And for me? Cake, cake. I need cake. Or maybe a Portuguese Custard Tart. Snort.