About Me

This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..

Thursday, 31 October 2013

Panel of love........

It's almost Bonfire night. I am dreaming of my Spiced Toffee Apple Tray Bake  but my phone is going crazy this morning with texts from friends wishing us luck for the Big Meeting today. The official Matching Panel Meeting. The one where the 'powers that be' get to decide if this is a definite match or not. I don't feel even vaguely nervous. In fact I am so chilled out, you may want to check I am still breathing. But I daren't tell my family about this meeting. I don't want them to worry. Surely it's going to be a yes. Surely they can't take us this far down the road only to say no. The chair lady is the same one we had for our Approval Panel months ago. She tells me she is surprised that although she chairs hundreds of these meetings, for some reason she remembers us. Oh lord, is that a good thing? It takes the similar form of the Approval Panel where a line of vultures panel members fire questions at you. The first one being "why do you think LBM is a good match for you?" I joke about the temptation to say, "I have no idea, you tell me, you chose him for us." They all laugh but I get the feeling they are just being polite and don't quite get the angle of my sense of humour. But I can't help myself. Maybe this is my subconscious nervousness shining through, as the inappropriate jokes continue to flow. LRUN is now giving me 'that look' and when they ask me how I am going to embrace LBM's Portuguese heritage, it takes everything in my power not to mention our love of Nando's burgers.

They make us wait ages for the decision. It's starts to worry both of us and I can see the panic in LRUN's face (well actually he has disappeared to the loo so that was my biggest clue)  They eventually return and express their concerns of how difficult we are going to find this all. How LBM is so attached to his foster carer that he will find the move distressing. Are we going to cope as a couple? In fact they are so negative I start to doubt myself and thoughts of 'what have we done' begin to swirl around my head. But then they announce it was a unanimous yes and that we could go home and crack open the bubbly. Miss Delia jumps up to hug me and admits to me it was tough. I can see she is exhausted but relieved.

We hand over our Running for President photos and the Tomy Photo Book (cringe) and the infamous DVD (more cringe) to Miss Scarlett. For a moment I have an awful vision of them dimming the lights, turning on the big screen, getting the popcorn out and watching us  make complete lemons of ourselves on this DVD. But thankfully, she puts it in her bag ready to give to the Fairy Godmother tonight. I will admit, there were many...many outtakes on that movie. And a lot of sniggling. Oh dear gawd.... Please let him find us funny.

Bonfire Night Cake

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Lights, camera, action.......

I'm in the local supermarket... in... you guessed it, the home baking aisle. I'm in the mood for something creamy.  Something sweet. I'm dreaming of a Baked Cheesecake topped with a chocolate ganache when I hear LBM's name loud and clear. My ears prick up. I hear it again. It's coming from a distraught mother chasing her little boy through the chiller section. Thankfully, it's not him. I feel for her but hearing his name out loud just emphasises how real this is all becoming. That could be me chasing my little one clutching  his body weight in Babybelles and Cheese Strings. I smile my own little secret smile. Besides, I like Babybelles. Back home, I find an email from the Fairy Godmother with an update on his progress. She refers to him as 'my little boy' (another secret smile moment) and sends me a list of what he will come with. I am shocked by how little it is. 3x vests, 5x baby-gros and a winter coat. That's it. Oh and his special blankie. My obsessive thoughtful ebay purchases are bound to add to that.

Our main mission this week apart from the obvious afore-mentioned Cheesecake Bonanza is to finish LBM's talking photo book. This is the infamous Tomy Talking Book high on every adopters shopping list. We spend Sunday trying to get a set of photos together. LRUN is still in his jim-jams, which makes things tricky as I try not to include the pasty legs dotted with Andalucian mozzie bites. We get some cracking ones of the dogs. Admittedly on the 26th attempt. This does not bode well for future family portraits. We have to enlarge the single ones of us and laminate them for the Fairy Godmother to put up in LBM's room. Honestly, I feel like I'm running for president. This is my Obama campaign. But the psychologists swear by this so it's back to the laminating.

Our next mission (apart from getting through the Great British Bake Off Final without crying!)  is to complete the DVD of us, the house and the garden. This is what most adopters dread. Standing in front of camera, there is no ways I am can even compete with Justin on C- Beebies. The star of our show will be Lucas the Lazy Lion. A little jellycat toy we bought for him. We have been sleeping with him in our bed for a while now so he can be passed to LBM before introductions start with our scent.  Now my scent, I have no problem with. How on earth I am going to stop LRUN's under the duvet whiffs absorbing into his fluffy mane, I have no idea!

Baked Cheesecake Bonanza

Monday, 14 October 2013

Last one in the pool's an Andalucian lemon......

I find myself in the kiddie section of that Swedish lifestyle emporium. I have been here before but this time feels different. I have a little man in mind. I'm a mummy on a mission. Every kid needs a crocodile shaped non-slip mat for the bath, right?
Back home I find Miss Delia has sent us the schedule for our week of introductions with LBM. I can't help feel that it resembles a script out of Big Brother. Monday, 9.30 am....read in a strong jordy accent....LRUN and MITB leave their house and head to LBM's house. 10.30am.....they take him out for a walk and return in time for lunch. 1.30 pm....and so it goes on. Hour by hour of northern LBM loveliness.

I dash off from work to attend a meeting with Miss Delia, the Fairy Godmother and Miss Scarlett to go through this Big Brother schedule and co-ordinate the last bits of paperwork. Gah! More like the last mountains of paperwork. The desk is piled high with endless reports and forms. And no cake? Just so wrong. Surely a little token of the Best Brownies Ever wouldn't go a miss.  Miss Scarlett brings out a card and a small gift for LBM's birthday which is from his birth mother.....his Tummy Mummy. I am surprised by my reaction. It's one of annoyance.  Her card is way bigger than ours and she has produced a gift. Humpf! But I remind myself that we are giving him the biggest and best gift ever.  She announces that Tummy Mummy has requested to meet with us. It takes a moment for this to sink in but I know this is the right thing to do for LBM. To tell him one day that we have all met and even have photos of us all together. We proceed...still no sign of any cake.... and the chairman is reading from one of these zillions of forms. Miss Delia catches my eye as I am frantically trying to appear as 'super organised mummy' whilst desperately trying to figure out which one of these zillions of pieces of paper we are supposed to be reading from. She smiles and whispers, "Don't worry, you don't have that form. That's her checklist." Phew, as that was getting pretty awkward as I was leering dead-casual-like over the chairman's shoulder. Awkward moment. Nowhere near as awkward as the moment we had in John Lewis yesterday. We were looking at pushchairs and came across one that had a coffee holder and fur-lined gloves attached. We both tried out the gloves, casually dismissing how impractical they were and clearly not waterproof! And the wheels were a bit stiff (hee hee...look at us being all super knowledgeable) Imagine our dismay when we discovered this was no shop model. This was in fact somebody's pushchair and in fact contained a baby. We could only imagine the look of horror on the mothers face as she watched us from afar. Needless to say, we were laughing so much, we had to leave. All I can say is that thank heavens LRUN didn't do his his usual trick of  "I will not be defeated.....I must figure out how this monstrosity folds down to a mear waif of it's it's original size!"

We spend the next week on holiday in a villa in the mountains of Andalucia. Our own little babymoon.  We have the most special time together. Enjoying those last opportunities of lying by the pool reading and drinking carafes of sweet sumptuous Sangria. I can't help think of how different this would be with a toddler in tow. Just the thought of airport security malarkey fills me with dread. But that's a whole 'nother adventure to look forward to.