About Me

This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Let the truth be told......

Ok, here's the deal: I haven't been totally honest with you over the last few weeks. For reasons mainly that I worry that the SW's may be reading this.  There have been some major changes in the LBM  household that the SW's would only deem as unstable. Risky. I mean, you and I both know how they feel about change. In addition, it meant Miss Delia would have to update our report and that would only have delayed things even further. So for once in this process, we kept quiet. We weren't lying as such. Just not divulging the exact truth.  However, now that the adoption order is granted and we have full parental responsibility for LBM, I guess I can spill the beans:

To start with, LRUN has a new job. He has formed a company with some old colleagues and finds himself self employed and much closer to home. No more endless commutes. No more early mornings and late nights. Just some extra special LBM time in the mornings and evenings now. This was easy to keep quiet until Miss Delia wanted to pop round after work one night and LRUN had to park around the corner in stealth mode waiting for her to leave, as he shouldn't have been home at that time.

Secondly, my job was being moved north too but since LRUN had resigned, I have opted for redundancy. I have a new part time job starting in September.

Lastly...and it's a biggie.....LBM is going to nursery three days a week. Eek.

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

On the eve again....

So here we sit again, folks. On the eve of the adoption order being granted. Personally, I'm not holding my breath. Miss Delia calls me to double check if the DBS form has arrived. In actual fact, we have two forms. She makes some random joke about London buses but then says she needs to come round after work and visually see them. LBM is not happy to see her. In fact, his behaviour is beyond worrying. He scurries to the furthermost corner of the house, whimpering. I eventually manage to entice him out with a phone charger (anything with a cable these days is a hit. Geek!) and he begrudgingly comes and sits with us. He is not happy about it and I just want her to go so my little boy can relax. I admit to her that I simply don't think he likes her and immediately regret this. I can see she is a little bit hurt. She tries to engage with him a little but he remains cautious. As soon as she is gone, he perks up and we carry on with bed time. He chooses a different story tonight and stares deep into my eyes as we cuddle goodnight.

On other spectrum's he is coming on leaps and bounds. He is babbling away in full sentences all day but alas just not in English. We have come so far on the food front and I have to look back and remind myself of this on a daily basis. It's not always hunger and we have to be so careful how we approach food. It's such a complex situation as its not something I want him to stop doing. I do want him to eat. Just not all the time. And not for comfort.

We do still have major issues on the play front. Toddler groups, play dates and soft play are my nemesis. But I have to keep persevering to keep him socialising and if I go in with zero expectations, then anything past the front door becomes an achievement. I have learnt so much about him and I know that sometimes, it's just not worth trying to force him to stay somewhere. It's detrimental for everyone involved. We just come back and try again another day. It's can be particularly lonely at times but I know, deep in my soul that things can only get better. Either that or I am opening up a play group with only electrical household equipment as toys. No trampolines, slides or toy cars. Just phone chargers, vacuum cleaners and mountains of computer accessories. I can see it now........neon lights and all.........Geek City.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Postman Pat......Postman Pat

Hurrah! The infamous DBS form has arrived. We have a new court date for the end of the month. However, Miss Delia is still on holiday and they are unsure whether she can make that date. I wonder if Delia Smith has anything planned for the day and fancies a stand in?

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Adoption Day take two.....? 

Sadly not. And so my friends, another court date passes, as we are still missing the infamous paperwork. "Sighs"

Monday, 30 June 2014

You couldn't make this "sponge" up......

In the hope of encouraging LBM into baking, I bought a Betty Crocker Red Velvet cake mix. Shock-horror, I hear all you die hard baker followers tut. But I wanted something nice and easy that didn't matter if it all went a bit wrong.  LBM didn't actually give a flying noodle that we were making a cake....until I turned the mixer on of course. The whirr of the beaters is very intriguing for a toddler, you know. But the fascination soon wore off and he headed back to playing with his buggy. His pink toy buggy. It's the only one they had, I find myself explaining to LRUN. Honest. The cake rises well but I will admit, I was a bit dubious about tasting it. But you know what...add a couple of thick sumptuous layers of my own vanilla cream cheese icing and it was actually pretty yummy.

I wait patiently each day for the postman to come hoping he will deliver one very much needed police check. But sadly nothing.  Endless spare parts for LRUN's money pit on our driveway but sadly no DBS form. Time is ticking on and so with the risk of offending, I email Miss Delia asking politely if I should be chasing this form or is she 'on it'. I get an instant reply but it's an out of office one as usual. A few more days pass with no surprises from the postman or emails from Miss Delia and I begin to worry. I eventually call Miss Scarlett, LBM's social worker and she tells me to phone up and chase it. "Do you have the number?" she asks. So....at what point has this paperwork malarkey become my problem? I call but am told they will not pass the information on to me.  They need to speak to LRUN himself or direct to social services. The DBS man asks when the hearing is and as I tell him, he takes a sharp intake of breath saying we really don't have much time, confirming my fears. LRUN is in meetings all day and I am severely tempted to call back putting on my deepest manly voice possible but quickly pass that off as a stupid idea. It will have to wait until Monday. So, it seems this has now become our problem. Nice.

But to sparkle things up a little, I thought I'd share some good news with you for a change.  I'm in print! My ChoccyNuttyNana recipe has been featured in the Adoption UK cookery book, which you can purchase here. It's only a teeny achievement but it's an achievement none-the-less and it feels ace.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

 "Happy" Adoption Day?

So here we sit on the eve of LBM's court date for the adoption order. The champers is in the fridge chilling. Ready. I wish I could say we had a celebratory restaurant booked but with no grandparents nearby, meals out are a thing of the past. I think back to the last 2 years. How long and often agonising this process has been. I can't quite believe that that little champion asleep upstairs will tomorrow finally be legally ours. Here's hoping of course it will be as straightforward and sure a thing as a vanilla cupcake. Surely Tummy Mummy won't appeal. Surely the birth father won't suddenly decide he does want to be a part of this. Surely? I talk myself out of worrying and go back to browsing tray bakes on Pinterest. Miss Delia says she will call me as soon as she has news. I make a mental note to keep busy tomorrow. And another to actually turn my phone on.

My phone rings early. I am driving and have to pull over to call her back. Her voice sounds trembly and I sense a problem. There is. She asks if we have received our police check forms back. "The ones we had to do last year but because your process takes so long, they have expired and we now, like everyone else, have to renew them. Those ones?" I want to say sarcastically but resist. No, LRUN is still waiting on his, I explain. And then my friends, she drops yet another bomb on us explaining that they cannot grant the Adoption order without it. I am speechless. At no point was the importance of this form mentioned. She makes me feel like it was my fault for not alerting her to it but I honestly believed we just received copies and that they held the originals. She is the paper pusher and I am the parent, right? Right? I curse myself  for actually allowing myself to relax and take a back seat with this last hurdle, presuming they had everything under control. And so once again, we face another delay and the order has been delayed another 3 weeks. Hashtag irritated. Forget the champagne... Pass the gin.

Friday, 13 June 2014

Six packs and strangers.....

What a difference a couple of months make. We make another trip to the zoo, this time to meet up with my saviour, Triple A and her little one. LBM is literally running around and loving every minute of it. Ok, so he is still far more fascinated by the local pet chicken making a nest under our lunch bench than the exotic Sun Bears but he is happy.  I even manage to get him to fall asleep in the car, admittedly only for 15 min but this is a huge step for us. It appears that power naps work just as well for him as his usual marathon afternoon sessions. He has just learnt to walk backwards and is incredibly proud of his new found moon walking skills. This together with staring at himself in the mirror, lifting his ever so slightly 'Jilly Cooper Horsie' polo shirt and patting his tummy as if it's a six pack, are his new found loves. It frustrates me when strangers ask how old he is. I want to say, "Oh somewhere between 1 and 2" but feel perhaps this is perhaps a bit tasteless. But the truth is, I want to parent him for who he is and where he is right now. And not what is expected of him. Over the last few weeks, I have been channeling all my woken energy into keeping this little guy happy. Most new mums are physically shattered. I am taking a hit on a more emotional and mental level. It's tough and LRUN senses it. Our evenings are quiet. As long as you ignore the tinkle tinkle of the ice cubes in the G&T's.
Tummy Mummy has returned to the nearby seaside town. Thankfully social services actually remember to update me this time. But I have a date to meet up there with Miss Shaka Zulu and we go anyway. I will admit, while wandering around the aisles of the pound shop, I do realise I am seriously tempting fate here. It's the Adoption Court Order in a couple of days. I can't help but wonder how she is feeling.