About Me

This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..

Saturday, 31 August 2013

Anxiety...a definition:

I remember talking to a fertility friend recently whose surrogate had suffered yet another miscarriage. She seemed fine and I remarked on how she was coping so well.  She said something very powerful to me. "I am so used to the endless disappointment in this quest to become a family that these feelings and situations are just all too familiar now and something I know how to cope with. When this finally does work out for us, that is when I am going to need all the help I can get, because those feelings, I have no idea how to deal with!"  And this, my readers, is exactly how I am feeling right now. I can't seem to accept that this may actually be working out for us. Am I being over-cautious?  Is this emotional protection? It's been nearly six years and I just don't think I can cope with any more disappointment.

My sister has always said that anxiety ran in the the family and I thought -- what a load of old yeast! I am the most chilled out person I know. In fact, people have been known to check I was still breathing. But now, I feel I am going to have re-phrase. I am usually the most chilled out person I know. Now suddenly, on planet adoption, things are different. I can't sleep. I check my email and phone constantly. Not even the knitting or baking is helping, although I did rustle up a luscious chunky Victoria sponge yesterday with a silky raspberry jam filling and lashings of white chocolate buttercream and a light dusting of.....anyway..I digress...back to being anxious:   I am already worrying why Miss Delia has not given us any feedback after her meeting on Thursday with LBM. Surely just a one liner saying how she felt assured he was the right match. Maybe even a hint of how cute he was?   Nope, all we got was a formal, no frills email setting up an appointment for a weeks time with his social worker. I find myself reading into this, worrying. Is this a bad sign? Is this a good sign. Why no personals? I am left with a whole week to analyse this. I google the definition of anxiety and now I feel even more anxious. Aah that love/hate relationship with google. Why do we do it to ourselves? I'm now anxious about being anxious. This is absurd. I just want to click 'proceed to checkout' on my Amazon wish list. I want to remove the word 'potentially' from every adoption conversation we have. I just want this to happen.

Incidentally, my friend's surrogate is beautifully pregnant and a special little baby is on the way. And yes, we did have to pick her up off the floor!

Introducing...white chocolate buttercream


  1. it would be nice had you of shared your silky raspberry jam with white chocolate buttercream victoria sponge... you should give to receive... just saying.

  2. thank you for the slice of cake... it was delish! you will carry on baking once you have your little one wont you? you make the BEST cakes ever!! thank youuuuuuuuuu xx