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Soon after they all leave the house, LRUN takes the dogs out while collecting his beloved LandRover from the garage. I am alone in the house. It's completely silent and I just stand there and simply absorb the intensity of what has just happened. Oh my hat, I am actually going to be a mummy. I feel emotionally exhausted. The phone rings and I jump, rudely awoken from my mummy induced euphoria. My heart sinks as I hear the familiar voice of Miss Delia. There is a slight tremble in her voice and I immediately panic. I think the worst. That she has made a mistake. That this is not going ahead. They are taking him away from me. But alas, she asks me if she has left her briefcase behind. Yes, yes, there it is. Its soft, shiny well worn leather lying casually against the sofa. I hadn't even noticed. I agree to take it to work the next morning where she'll pick it up. LRUN eventually returns after some time. I fear he may have been just standing in the street and freaking out but he smiles and tells me he has been on the phone to his parents sharing the good news. They and we, are over the moon.
Again, I don't sleep. I make a cup of tea and watch the dvd of LBM again. I am overcome by how much I love him already. He rolls over and legs a-kimbo I can almost feel his chunky little thighs. Eek, how on earth am I going to carry him up the stairs? Note to self: must stop eating sausages and work on my core muscles.
I meet Miss Delia at work the next morning with said briefcase....believe me, it took everything in my power not to open it ;-) and she remarks on how well yesterday's meeting went. I confess that I won't admit to her how many times I have watched his dvd as she may think I was, well, simply weird. She smiles and assures me there is no limit and that this was a good thing.
The girls in the office are euphoric. Lady Godiva can't stop smiling and another colleague remarks on how she has no idea how I am managing to concentrate as she can't stop thinking about him. They keep catching my eye and grinning like cheshire cats. Back home, I phone my parents and my dad answers, 'Hello Grandpa speaking' He is so unbelievably excited and we wallow in the joy for ages. I skype my sister and secretively show her a snippet of the dvd. She bursts into tears but draws her chair right up to the screen to absorb every inch of him through her tears. LRUN and I spend the weekend just talking about LBM. We spend some time in a baby store and for the first time I don't feel like a fake. This is real. So frikkin real. I cannot wait to meet his foster carer next week. I want to soak up everything she says. Ooh, hope she likes cake? I need something subtle and unobtrusive. I think a cute little orange flavoured Yogurt Loaf will do the trick. Maybe I'll glam it up a bit with a sprinkling of toasted sliced almonds a light dusting of icing sugar.....
- mummy in the baking
- This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..