I am revelling in the fact that whilst on maternity leave I, unlike most heavily pregnant women at this stage, still have the energy to run around and get organised without feeling tired, rundown or suffering from indigestion or lack of sleep. I tell you, this adoption thing is a no-brainer. The way forward.
Miss Scarlett calls me at home on Monday and I immediately go into panic mode. Something is wrong, this is all not going ahead. But no, she just wants to suggest we buy a blanket for LBM that we can sleep with and take with us to introductions. Just in case, he and Lucas the Lion don't hit it off as mates straight-away. I will admit, I'm becoming rather fond of that little lion. So why do I always assume the worst? Why can I not just allow myself to accept that is all really happening? Another thing I have noticed about myself this week (heck, I've had a lot of time to think) is that I have an overwhelming sense of guilt. That for some reason I don't deserve all this happiness. All this attention. All this love. I feel uncomfortable and guilty about receiving gifts from friends. Oh and believe me, they are still coming. Why can't I just learn to receive? I spend a little too much in Matalan on myself and feel enormously guilty about it! Why? In all honesty I don't know. I'm sure there is some deep and meaningful psychology in there somewhere. But for now, I just don't know.
I call The Fairy Godmother and she tells me LBM is doing just fine. She loved our dvd and says it's brilliant and that she's never seen anything like it. Eek, is that a good thing? Thankfully LBM loves it too and bops away to the chorus when LRUN and I dance around the lounge like lemons. She says she realises now that this is a perfect match. She sends me a photo of him clapping his hands and it literally lights up my heart. I send it to LRUN. He prints it out and sends me a photo of his desk, saying "oh no, I've turned into one of those parents (yes...parents!) who have pictures of their kids on their desks." This melts my heart and I cry a little. But they are happy tears. He has wanted this for so long and I have always felt so guilty (see....here we go again!) that I could never give him that. I have never seen him so happy.
I'm tempted to fill my freezer with baked delights for any drop in visitors and social workers over the next few weeks. But for some reason I don't. I end up making something just for us. Something slow and bountiful. Something autumnal. Butterscotch Apple Mini Galettes. These, my friends, are amazing. Oh and served warm, with cold, creamy vanilla ice cream......simply dynamite.
|Just add ice cream....|