It's the end of an era....

When most people hit their forties, they tend to go off on a mid life crisis tangent and buy a sports car, change religion or hells bells..even start meditating. Me...I have taken a different approach. I have decided to go back on the pill. Periods for me don't equal fruitfulness and fertility, instead they represent stressful annoying little pain in the ovary hassles! I have spent the last five years monitoring my cycles, coping with 12 day (sometimes longer) bleeds, desperately worrying that I wasn't giving LRUN enough 'us' time. Basically living my life by what day it was of my cycle. Some friends joked over breakfast the other day when they told their boss they were expecting a baby, she had responding by saying..."oh was that planned?" They replied..."of course it was planned.....we had sex!" An awkward silence followed when I mentioned that for us, sex did not simply = baby. I cannot begin to describe the stress each month as it got closer to the day my period was due....would this month be the month I got pregnant? Would this be our time? It turns out, no it never was, not even with 3 rounds of IVF. The disappointment each time got harder and harder to cope with. If that wasn't cruel enough, as it turns out, for us...even a positive pregnancy test does not = baby. Trust me...I have been there...4 times! It's like someone is playing some really heartless game. A few years ago, a friend went through five years fertility treatments and when it finally worked on cycle no. 10 of IVF and she was blessed with twins, I remember saying to a colleague, "Gosh, I am not sure I could cope with five years of trying" ....Hahahaha......well here I am...five years later! So I have come to the decision that I simply do not need my periods. I wanna be the carefree happy me again, not the Day 14 me. With the biggest sense of relief ever, I delete the Cycle Tracker app from my i-Phone and pop my first pill. It feels good...really good. Who needs a sports car! Now a Kitchen Aid Artisan Mixer - in white of course- now that I can justify...