Don't let me down Miss Delia.....

No news is good news right? Negative captain..... Not in the world of adoption. Miss Delia has gone particularly quiet on us and this is suspicious. I emailed her two weeks ago to check a) that we were on track for our paperwork deadline for the PAR (prospective adopters report) of the 29th April and b) because I was having my own little toddler like tantrum and was simply seeking her attention. She has been a big part of our lives and suddenly she's gone and I was struggling to cope without updates from her.  More importantly, we were starting to get concerned that some of our references hadn't yet received their reports from her. This is something they have to check and sign and then return to her, bearing in mind if there are any mistakes and adjustments need to be made, this whole process would all have to repeated and posted back and forth in their little 'not so urgent 2nd class prepaid envelopes!'  I will have you know that I am not the only one who has deliberately stuck a shiny first class stamp over the freepost bar on their correspondence. Ha...! Just my little token effort to try and speed this process up.
So after no reply, I emailed her again today asking again if things were on track. In the last hour of an intense day at work,  I receive a reply. Her email smacks of another delay and yet more disappointment. She admits to me she is behind in her paperwork and is struggling to meet her deadlines. She then drops the bomb that they have neglected to contact an old boyfriend of mine ( we lived together for 3 years and they deem this as a 'significant partner' and must contact them but Frikkin Nora, that was 13 years ago! ) She admits that they have lost his contact details which I gave to them in July last year. Yup, you heard me, July  LAST year.....and it's taken them this long to tell me they have not contacted him yet. He lives in New York and is particularly hard to get hold of. This is not looking good. There is no way they are going to make this deadline.
I somehow manage to get through the last hour of work but the drive home is emotional. The tears are streaming so intensely down my cheeks, I can barely see the road. I consider pulling over but don't want to draw attention to myself. I just want to get home.

I pull into the driveway and smile at my neighbour, silently hoping she wont want to chat as she'll notice my red eyes. I feel a real mix of emotions: anger, sadness, disappointment and panic all in one go. I decide to pour myself the biggest gin and tonic ever ( cake just wont cut the mustard here I'm afraid and I have just discovered cucumber flavoured gin.... Yup, that's what I'm talking about right there!) The dogs are so excited to see me but they sense something is up and stare at me intently.  I down my drink, wipe the tears and head out on the dog walk in the glistening evening sun. I listen to some of my favourite tunes very very loudly and dance madly across the fields.   I must look like a complete space cadet to the locals but I don't care. It makes me feel better. LRUN gets home and admits that he is refusing to get angry over this. One of us being upset is enough. The mood at home is subdued. I try and think ahead to the weekend when I am throwing an afternoon tea party bursting with delicious morsels of cake, hoping this will lift my spirits but its not working. Perhaps now was not the best time to have given up chocolate....

Gin Gin a drop of Gin