About Me

This blog is about me and my voyage to becoming a mummy. Ironically called “mummy in the baking” as together with my passion and obsession for all things cake related, I will never be able to have my own "bun in the oven." Years of fertility treatment have taken their toll and I now find myself on a new..eek, i hate this word...journey! The crazy train to adoption. I hope you will join me while I bake my way to becoming a mummy. I want this blog to be a source of information as well as a comforter. I hope it will inspire and help anyone who is considering adoption or who has in fact already bought their ticket for this..here I go again...journey. Cake makes me happy and I hope you will enjoy sharing my love of it. I want it to help lift your spirits and hearts through what can only be described as 'the trials and tribulations of the adoption process.' Along with my desire to be a family, I love my dogs, have an unhealthy love of sausages and chenin blanc, adore my land rover uber-nerd of a husband and continiously dream of balmy summer evenings. Baking in progress…..

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Super trooper.....

Phew, big day today. It's the review meeting at 10am and when we get to the Fairy Godmother at 9.30am, LBM is full of energy. He senses something is up and is acting very unsettled. Slowly, one by one, the social workers start arriving. Squashed into the lounge we sit amidst a sea of toys and the attention is all on LBM. My heart goes out to him, he is not happy and is certainly restless. LRUN is doing his best to distract him but not even the daddy games are working. I just want them all to go away. So we can do our own thing. But I know this has to be done and so we solider on. LBM makes me chuckle as chooses the noisiest toys he can find (I am sure on purpose) to drown out anyone's comments while poor Miss Delia is trying to take notes. Some smarty pants then suggests we play our dvd as they think it is by far the best one they have seen so far and all want copies of it. Oh Gawd! Noooooo! But it entertains LBM for a second, so all is not lost. I think it's the particularly loud toy fire engine that he chooses next that sends everyone over the edge and they decided to call it a wrap. Poor little guy. He is a bag of mixed emotions.

We head out for a picnic lunch by the lake and he loves it. In essence, the food more than the lake but hey, he's happy. But on the way back to the car, it starts to all get too much for his little soul and he really is not himself. He's laughing, crying, blowing bubbles and whining all in the same breath. We need to get this guy home and warm and let him settle. Halfway home, we realise he has fallen asleep in the car seat. He has never done that before. Ever. What do we do now? We laugh. Keep driving? We take the risk and go home and try and settle him down for more much needed sleep. 15 minutes later and he is still awake....he is not crying, just awake and very active. I pop in to re-settle him and he has lost his blankie. I pass it to him and  tell him how much we love him and understand that today has been very hard so far. But he needs his sleep. He looks deep into my eyes like he understands but to be honest, sleep is the last thing on his mind. I leave him but I am not sure this is working. 50 minutes in and he is still awake. I give in and decide to go and sort his milk. When I return, I find him in the deepest of slumbers. He really is exhausted.

Later, after the crazy of hour of dinner (it went everywhere and yes, the dogs had two dinners tonight!) and bath time, we have to return him to the Fairy Godmother for the last time tonight. She is solemn. Their whole house is solemn. Gearing themselves up for the big goodbye tomorrow. She hands us a bag of toys and some clothes with tears in her eyes. I feel for her. 14 months he's been in her care. Her world. And now tomorrow...nothing. But he is foster child number 11, so I have all faith in her that she will be ok. She just needs to go throw the emotions of loss and grief. Between you and me, I'm a little worried about LRUN. He has been a trooper throughout all of this but tonight, he admits he feels stressed. I make him promise to just be honest with me and if he needs time out, he must take it. Me...? I'm ok actually. Heck, it's not going to be easy. Far from it actually. And the baking....? I'm already having withdrawal symptoms. But that little grin of his...it melts my heart. Gonna make it all worth it.

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